It feels weird not talking to the person you’re so used to talking to.

I never noticed when they fell. All the leaves were suddenly on the ground as I stepped out. I regret not being able to see the shower of the leaves.

I usually take paths off of the sidewalks and cut through the grass. But now I crunch when I do and I don’t want the attention. I don’t want to be known as the girl who potentially kills families of ants walking through the grass.

Today, I made it a goal of mine to not cut through the grass. My soles had to touch some slab of concrete or else my mind would scream at me telling me to retrace my steps back and walk the righteous path. My only exception of walking on the grass today was when I decided to sit on a picnic table on a concrete island surrounded by an ocean of grass and leaves and potentially families of ants.

When the leaves fall? I cannot remember on leaf falling in my recollection of memories—not a single glimpse of a falling leaf!

Well the leaves are on the ground. I cannot change that fact. I cannot let the mystery of these leaves be like Holden Caulfield’s unfulfilled quest to know the whereabouts of the missing ducks. Instead, I shall let my mind wander to the idea that leaving home wasn’t such a good idea. I’m not sure I can get used to this. It’s cold. It’s dry. My lips are chapped and I don’t like applying lotion all the time. It seems unlikely that I can get used to this town or this weather.

Of course, that’s what I said when I was forced to moved to Houston back in 2006. Now I love Houston! The leaves there don’t fall in a secretive manner like they do here in Santa Fe.

I’m essentially a home-sick college student afraid that if I give into those home-sick tendencies and do go home, I’ll be giving up my full-tuition scholarship. Perhaps, I should just suck it up and truck on by. And seriously, why can’t I just appreciate that I have this scholarship?! Opportunities like these don’t come by so often.

It’s hard to find the spirit of adventure. My heart’s not content so far but I have faith that the season will eventually change.

Really, when did they fall?

Thirty-four more days. Thirty-four more days until I have to leave the streets of Houston and enter those of Santa Fe, New Mexico. I suppose I’m getting more and more used to the idea of going away for college. It will be good for me and I will welcome it as another adventure!

I love adventures. ;D

It’s funny—or remarkable, I should say. By a strike of fate was I introduced to SFAUD. By a strike of hard-work, dedication to my art-work and quite possibly luck I managed to get a full-tuition scholarship.

This is mighty surreal. I never thought in a million years that I’d actually leave home for college. I never thought I could even afford a $40,000/year university!

WEE. SO AWESOME. I’M SUPER EXCITED. CAN’T WAIT. BRING IT ON LIFE! :D

I will be an awesome artist. WATCH.

At the same time, I can’t imagine what it would be like to miss all of my friends and all of my family. I: It’s scary, it really is. But I guess this needs to happen. It’s for the better.

“Hey you dropped something,” says the old man sitting on a tree stump as he watches the angry couple cross his path. The couple turns around and spot the floor for a familiar item but they can’t find what had fallen from their bodies. Glad to have gotten the couple’s attention, the old man simply says, “You dropped your smile,” gives a smirk and achieves his goal of passing it along.

One night, many nights ago, I was introduced to a song that REINTRODUCED me to music.

But I stupidly and regrettably didn’t get the name to the song or band. T_T

Seriously though. The song filled every depth of space around me. I felt like I was on an x-y-z graph and different points around me were being plotted so magnificently. It just felt so 3-D. I have no other way to describe it.

I can’t thank her enough for what she has given us and not a day goes by that I don’t think of her. She was really something. Amazing. Free-spirited. Even a bit cooky >_< but hey, that’s my kind of people! She was so full of spunk! AND I ABSOLUTELY ADORED THAT ABOUT HER. The first time I met her was in 7th grade, either in November or October of 2006. A handful of students had gotten Student of the Month—well I guess we were Students of the Month! Two of them were her son and I and she was the proudest parent in the room! I should have known back then that these two people would have changed my life! I really should have known that she would leave us the MOST WONDERFUL gift ever!! He’s intelligent, handsome, loyal, forgiving, understanding, and some what of a smart alec! And I envy his height so much! >:F LOL. And when I think of him I picture his curly strawberry blond locks of hair that he used to wear in middle school and a bit into high school. And his blue eyes. DEM EYEZ. They’re definitely of his mother’s! :) He had the stature of a grown man. Well, actually he’s always has that height since way back in 6th grade from what I remember! Gosh, that height. Then he cut his hair and, wow, he looked so grown up! :’) One look at him, and I see the product of all his mother’s doing, as well as his grandma and grandpa! They deserve big thanks for having helped nurture and supporting such an amazing person. I guess we just have to sit back and watch him grow as he paves the way to his future. As a friend, I know I could help give him more awesome memories :) SUMMER, GET READY! >:D Devin, I know you may not read this ever, but you are too awesome and I want to stay friends for as loooooong as possible!  I want to give great thanks to your mom for having creating such an INCREDIBLE friend and giving me one of thee most awesomest friendships ever. I never want to lose you or my memory of her. So please be safe and please stay in contact. I know I will try to visit you when I have the opportunity and I can only hope the best for you! You’re one heck of a man and I’ve had the pleasure of knowing you and being your friend since 6th grade! Chupapaleta, doggie, here’s to your future! :)

Whole-heartedly I sing to you
Through strings and chords ‘cuz I speak untuned
I’ll pick at you and read your tone
Slide down two and decipher the notes

(Pre-Chorus)
But I’ll never be the song you want to hear
I’ll never be the tune you want to dance to
I’ll never be the melody that sees you smile in the morning*

(Chorus)
And so I’ll let it all go; let this feeling slide
Give myself some slack this time
I’ll tell myself it’ll be alright so I won’t lose anymore sleep tonight
I sang the wrong words again
You’d always said I never followed any of the directions
We once sang on a stage a long time ago
Now we’re just another no-show to show*

Did our love suddenly skip a track?
Is there no reverse? Is there no going back?
We’re as ruined as a scratch CD
I’m pretty sure we played on regrettably
Not sure how well we thought this through
I’ll never play music like you do
We used to dance along the staff
And no there’s no music and we don’t laugh

* possible editing.. but will keep like that for now

I might add another verse and stuff.. WHO KNOWS!!! D: