I want to know that you are subconscious, that you get embarrassed, that you feel like shit sometimes, that you laugh about stupid things, and replay little subtle memories in your head and pretend as if they were small clips in a movie scene. I want to know that you think intimate thoughts, that there are scars that wound your pasts, that despite all of that you still have dreams and aspirations as big as mine. I want to know that you are doing something to reach your goals, that you fear and fuck and screw things up just as much as I do. I want to know that you get scared, and that you crave someone else’s attention, that there is a song you could relate to, that you too have sleepless nights, that sometimes you don’t know what the fuck you’re doing. I want to know that one day you feel fat and that you need to lose weight, that on another day you look good while standing in front of the mirror that you just can’t stop starring at yourself, that you have the courage to speak your mind, that you didn’t give up. I want to know that you feel as if you were on top of the world and that you can conquer it, that there are places you have yet to see and knowledge you have yet to acquire, that there is someone you have yet to save. I just want to know a human exists within your actions and that you’re not completely dead inside as the rest of the world sets you out to be.
If I can’t see a human in your eyes then I’m afraid I can never let this go.
I never noticed when they fell. All the leaves were suddenly on the ground as I stepped out. I regret not being able to see the shower of the leaves.
I usually take paths off of the sidewalks and cut through the grass. But now I crunch when I do and I don’t want the attention. I don’t want to be known as the girl who potentially kills families of ants walking through the grass.
Today, I made it a goal of mine to not cut through the grass. My soles had to touch some slab of concrete or else my mind would scream at me telling me to retrace my steps back and walk the righteous path. My only exception of walking on the grass today was when I decided to sit on a picnic table on a concrete island surrounded by an ocean of grass and leaves and potentially families of ants.
When the leaves fall? I cannot remember on leaf falling in my recollection of memories—not a single glimpse of a falling leaf!
Well the leaves are on the ground. I cannot change that fact. I cannot let the mystery of these leaves be like Holden Caulfield’s unfulfilled quest to know the whereabouts of the missing ducks. Instead, I shall let my mind wander to the idea that leaving home wasn’t such a good idea. I’m not sure I can get used to this. It’s cold. It’s dry. My lips are chapped and I don’t like applying lotion all the time. It seems unlikely that I can get used to this town or this weather.
Of course, that’s what I said when I was forced to moved to Houston back in 2006. Now I love Houston! The leaves there don’t fall in a secretive manner like they do here in Santa Fe.
I’m essentially a home-sick college student afraid that if I give into those home-sick tendencies and do go home, I’ll be giving up my full-tuition scholarship. Perhaps, I should just suck it up and truck on by. And seriously, why can’t I just appreciate that I have this scholarship?! Opportunities like these don’t come by so often.
It’s hard to find the spirit of adventure. My heart’s not content so far but I have faith that the season will eventually change.
Really, when did they fall?
This one still isn’t finished :D And actually some lyrics have changed since this first recording. And of course there are multiple mistakes. This is recorded on my phone because I don’t have cool recording devices XD
And who knows what I’ll name it later.
A song I have no idea how to end… D:
Thirty-four more days. Thirty-four more days until I have to leave the streets of Houston and enter those of Santa Fe, New Mexico. I suppose I’m getting more and more used to the idea of going away for college. It will be good for me and I will welcome it as another adventure!
I love adventures. ;D
It’s funny—or remarkable, I should say. By a strike of fate was I introduced to SFAUD. By a strike of hard-work, dedication to my art-work and quite possibly luck I managed to get a full-tuition scholarship.
This is mighty surreal. I never thought in a million years that I’d actually leave home for college. I never thought I could even afford a $40,000/year university!
WEE. SO AWESOME. I’M SUPER EXCITED. CAN’T WAIT. BRING IT ON LIFE! :D
I will be an awesome artist. WATCH.
At the same time, I can’t imagine what it would be like to miss all of my friends and all of my family. I: It’s scary, it really is. But I guess this needs to happen. It’s for the better.
“Hey you dropped something,” says the old man sitting on a tree stump as he watches the angry couple cross his path. The couple turns around and spot the floor for a familiar item but they can’t find what had fallen from their bodies. Glad to have gotten the couple’s attention, the old man simply says, “You dropped your smile,” gives a smirk and achieves his goal of passing it along.
One night, many nights ago, I was introduced to a song that REINTRODUCED me to music.
But I stupidly and regrettably didn’t get the name to the song or band. T_T
Seriously though. The song filled every depth of space around me. I felt like I was on an x-y-z graph and different points around me were being plotted so magnificently. It just felt so 3-D. I have no other way to describe it.